Worse Things

I'm making an executive decision that I'm too tired to actually discuss the true horrors of the day: the inundation of New Orleans and costal Mississippi and the trampling/drowning of almost 1000 Shiite pilgrims. So instead I'm going to talk about a smaller horror that's closer to home.

A few days ago my fellow Rumpus staffer, [NAME DELETED], was arrested on charges of first degree sexual assault, aka rape. I'm not exactly close with X, but here's what I know about him: he's smart, he gets drunk on weekends, he hooks up with a lot of women, and he's pretty damn good-looking. He always seemed like a decent enough guy, and I never would have expected this of him, but I'm not running to say "No! It couldn't possibly have happened!"

So the question arises: what do you do with someone before a trial? After a trial whether or not they're convicted. I mean, the law says that if you're convicted, you committed the crime, but juries make mistakes. The thought that someone would be labeled a rapist for the rest of his life and jailed and 0stracized and such when he didn't commit the crime is so saddening. And if he's let go but did commit the crime, how can we treat him normally? How do we know? Will people be wary around him for the rest of college and his life? If you saw a man who had just been arrested for rape and was out until his trial, would you shake his hand? Are people really innocent until proven guilty?

Since I'm tired, I'll free-associate. We shake the hands of people we meet for the first time as a gesture of trust and camaraderie. It's a way of putting yourself on the same level with that person. But how many of the people I know are deserving of my handshake? I believe it was Winston Churchill who said (I'm paraphrasing) "The best argument against democracy is five minutes with the average voter." I think the best argument against hand shaking is a few years with the average person. Even the average person who's hand you'd shake. He probably has some really unsavory views, some really disgusting habits, and is casually abusive to people without realizing it. We have to assume the majority of men whose hands we shake enjoy porn and have masturbated within the past few days at longest (I know nothing about the masturbatory habits of 30-70 year old married men, I admit it. No, that wasn't an invitation to tell me). A lot of them don't use soap to wash their hands after they go to the bathroom. I've mentioned before that one of my favorite books of all time is "Everybody Poops." It's a great thing to remember, but it can be awful. Every time you shake someone's hand you're shaking the hand of a pooper.

This brings me, rather circuitously, to an issue I have...the inability to view anonymous people as full people. When I hear about someone's girlfriend, I always picture an ill-formed girl who doesn't sweat, doesn't have much of a personality, doesn't have distinguishing features. Which means I'm always shocked at just a little disgusted when I meet the girl. "Oh, when you talked about your girlfriend, you didn't mean 'Platonic ideal of girlfriend that would actually add nothing to your life in terms of fulfillment, you meant this weirdo chic who probably challenges you and is making you crazy." I feel this way with guys, too. Which is why (by "why" I mean "a very small one of many reasons why") I have to be really inspired to be attracted to someone. When I see a guy, he's a hairy, sweaty person with awkward bone structure. I have to already love someone as a friend to be able to take his humanness as an endearing quality and not as totally repulsive. Which isn't to say he still doesn't have to have a great smell. He does. Oh, he does.