Real Smooth

I was walking along, minding my business, when love came and hit me in the eye.

OK, it wasn't love at all. I was buying a chocolate croissant at a cart (I'm out of cereal; don't you dare tell me I should "just buy some more") and I turned around to continue my walk to work, when this girl says, "Hi."

Uh, hi.

"How are you?"

I'm good...

She was holding a thick blue binder, so I figured she probably wanted me to sign a petition or give money or something. She was also wearing scrubs...maybe she wants me to donate to her hospital? But there was no form on her binder, and she didn't look like she was getting any paper out.

"You're pretty."

Woah...WTF, as the kids say. Was she actually hitting on me? Do GIRLS actually hit on people in the middle of the street? I thought this was more or less the best thing our sex had going for us (besides not starting wars): We don't annoyingly cat call or hit on people. Maybe she just really wanted that croissant? I mean, it did look like a good croissant.

"You busy?"

Gee, I wonder. I mean, certainly most people clear their schedules around 9:30 AM. I find it's generally the best time to schedule my social events, and, really, if I'm walking outside at 9:30 AM, I'm probably just waiting for someone to pick me up. I find the walks invigorating and quite relaxing after a long, hard night's sleep.

I managed to break off and continue walking, when the girl's much butcher friend cuts me off.

"She says you already have a girlfriend. You have a girlfriend?"

Um...no? I don't want to be that total douche who goes "WoahwoahWOAH, I'm not into THAT! You can do whatever you want in the privacy of your bedroom, just keep it away from me!" Really, is there anything douchier? More evil, perhaps. But that's more or less the peak of douchedom. And even just saying, "Sorry, I'm straight" has a hint of that ughly insecurity. Although I think bumbling and looking scared really didn't do my image any favors.

If they were dudes, they would be in such trouble...dudes can't follow me and hit on me for two minutes when I'm clearly not interested. But chicks can get away with anything. And I wouldn't give up all the times I've used that to my advantage to lose a few minutes of early morning awkwardness. Heh heh.