Just Jump

Orientation starts tomorrow, and I am completely terrified. I'm not entirely sure what I'm terrified of, but here are a few possibilities:

Maybe I'll hate it. Maybe I'll realize that I had no good reason to apply to law school and I really am here on a two-year whim and I should have put more effort into this decision.

Maybe I'll say something horrible. I wouldn't put it past me. When I get nervous, sometimes my tact-dar, not great to begin with, goes completely haywire. Heaven help me.

Maybe I'll say something stupid (not horrible, just unintelligent) to or in front of someone important. Like a professor. Or the dean. Or a cute boy.

Maybe I just won't make friends. And my old friends will ditch me, and I'll be living in this beautiful apartment (it's really phenomenal) all alone, like Roderick Usher...or something.

Maybe I just won't do the work. I could become paralyzed at any moment. I could not show up to orientation and just stay in my bed trembling for the next month. I probably won't, but it doesn't seem as out-of-the-question as it once did.

But more likely, it will be good. Orientation won't be great; I can't imagine how it could be. But it will be fine, and then class will start, and I'll be stressed out. And then hopefully in a month or so, I'll look at my life and realize it's pretty good...that I'm spending a lot of my time and mental power on interesting and important philosophical and cultural issues. That's kind of what I'm hoping for. Wish me luck.