McGrievous Errors

Apparently NJ's old governor Jim McGreevey has a coming out memoir coming out entitled The Confession. He's talked about it on Oprah, in an episode to be aired this Tuesday, the same day the book comes out. The Advocate ran this story on Friday: "McGreevey tells Oprah of gay affair while wife was giving birth." Apparently while his wife was in the hospital, in labor, giving birth to their daughter, McGreevey was seducing Golan Cipel, the man who now claims he never had sex with the good gov'nor. This is how McGreevey describes it in the book:

We undressed and he kissed me. It was the first time in my life that a kiss meant what it was supposed to mean — it sent me through the roof...I was like a man emerging from 44 years in a cave to taste pure air for the first time, feel direct sunlight on pallid skin, warmth where there had only ever been a bone-chilling numbness.

Aw, how moving. And really, I'd be moved. Touched. Perhaps a little wooed, as is my way. Were this not happening while his wife was in labor. Really, there are many evils in the world far worse than cheating on your wife, even at an inopportune time, but this just rubs me like a deep-tissue retinal massage: the wrong way.

It partially bothers me that he did it, acting like a 13-year-old boy while in his 30s or 40s. When a husband cheats on his wife with a woman, he's being an inconsiderate asshole, but when a gay husband cheats on his wife with a man, he's really being a 13-year-old boy—placing other people's rights and needs behind his own desire for self-exploration. And this is all fine when you're 13, it's to be expected as part of adolescence. But when you're an adult? I understand that society's expectations are why he never got to grow up during growing-up time, but that doesn't mean it's ok to pose as an adult toward people who care about you when you're reall not, thereby screwing them over. And I think that's why it bothers me so much that he was doing it: When you're wife is giving birth you are in the epitome of manhood, becoming a father, heading up a family. So it seems like the absolute worst time to show that you are ready for none of it. You are not ready for the responsibilities of parenthood. Your wife thought she was marrying a man, but she's married an adolescent. It seems very desceptive. Whereas if he were cheating on her with a woman, well, we could have discounted that douche a while ago. I don't think I'm being very articulate here. I'm just trying to figure out why this creeped me out so, so much, moreso than other creepy things.

The second aspect that bothers me is that he wrote about it. I almost don't feel like that's his secret to share. I feel like that's something so bad, so horrible to his wife, that it's her place to come forth with that information, not his. Does he have permission to incite that much pity?

I don't know what to do with this...we have this whole irritating "dual fault" thing going on...which is really how it is with most situations. A poor urban kid kills another in gang violence. Is it his fault or the fault of a society that does nothing for its poor? Well, both. But the fact that society should change doesn't let him off the hook, and I don't think it lets McGreevey off the hook either. He is really responsible for screwing people over.

Maybe this all comes from my grand fear of marrying a gay man. I don't think it's THAT unlikely.

Bah, bad mood today.