That always works as a good title, don't you think? Even if you know it's a sucker-trap, you're still going to read anything entitled "what they don't want you to know." This post: High School Edition. Here are things I've found out recently that they don't want you to know.
1. Teachers are sometimes attracted to their students. Now, this isn't usually the case, I'm sure, but one of my many friends who's started student teaching (or teaching) this year says a bunch of her fellow student teachers come to class and talk about nothing except which students are hot and are "totally into" them. Great, boys. As a recovering chronic teacher-crusher (when's my next CTCA meeting?), I feel qualified to say that the safety of the teacher not liking you back is crucial. It's not that I consciously wanted the teacher not to like me back, it just wasn't an issue. I didn't have to worry about the obscene complications that would result were that the case. And that was good. The power dynamic is so strong you can taste it (but don't), so teachers who think your students are attractive, don't even think about acting on it. Don't tempt yourself. Be professional. Find someone your own age. And if that's too much to ask, you're in the wrong line of work.
2. STD/STI transmission rates are low low low. Take a look at this slide. The chances you'll catch HIV from a single act of vaginal intercourse is significantly less than 1%. Here it is again. I don't see either of these explicitly say whether the sex studied is protected or unprotected...it looks unprotected. Because if the risk of transmission during receptive anal intercourse with a condom is 7%, I know a fair people who would probably be infected by now and aren't. Yeah, don't bottom without protection. Really, don't do anything without protection, and don't let anyone bottom for you without protection: If you infect someone that way you're a moral travesty. But I never would have thought that having unprotected sex with someone who's HIV+ would put you at a less than 10% risk for catching the virus. Apparently the risk is much, much lower.
3. College may or may not be wild and totally awesome. I'm still bitter at everyone who told me college would be the best four years of my life. I'm still even more bitter at the people who think I'm now in some sort of "we know what the wild side is because we went to college" club. High schoolers be forwarned: college is school with no parents around. In some ways it's different from high school, in some ways it's different from whatever you'll do after it, but it's not some sort of unique communal experience. Don't expect to much. You'll spend more time doing work than anything else...and it won't all be, like, feminist theory. My friends and I estimate somewhere between 15% and 25% of you will graduate virgins (estimates based on our group). You may never see anyone smoke pot during the four years you're there. If you want to go crazy, you'll have to make yourself go crazy. Good luck.
I only really had two things to tell you, but then I needed to round it out to three, so I stuck in my perpetual whinging. But if anyone thinks of anything else they don't want you to know, please post it in the comments.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Monday, February 27, 2006
Sexual Relativity
AKA: Everyone thinks he or she is inexperienced. This continually strikes me as odd, especially because the most sexually experienced people I know tend to think they're the least experienced. This, admittedly, is probably because they're gay men, and gay men just have more partners on average than any other quadrant.
The random Durex sex facts site I find myself on says that the average man has 12.4 sex partners and the average woman 7.2. 27% have had sex exactly one person, while 21% have had sex with over 10 people. Quite the little distribution curve, there! And it must be because of that little distribution curve that lots of people feel inexperienced: The far hump is very visible. Someone like me can see the people with >10 sexual partners and say "wow, I'm really inexperienced," while someone like, um, a completely anonymous fairly experienced 30 year old gay man could have had, what, 70 sexual partners? And he could see the however many percent in front of him (5%? Maybe?) and see that there are a fair number of people who've had 500 sexual partners.
Ooh, it's totally wealth. Like how nobody feels rich. The curves are totally the same. Check out this thing:
Look at the wealth curve. You've got the lots of impoverished people (0-1 partners) and then a slowwwwly climbing middle class (2-10 partners) and then at the top, you start piling on these people with buttloads of partners. And you're always socially in a position where you can see how many people are wealthier than you/see how many people sleep with more people than you. Because class just works that way, as does, generally, sexual mores. Because of my location, politics, occupation, etc, I hang out with people who aren't all about the free love all the time but don't feel the need to wait until marriage before having sex. Hence my range. I see someone like the anonymous 30 year old gay man and think "Wow, that dude's had a LOT of sex," just like if you lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere, the person with the really big house would seem totally rich, even if they couldn't afford a one bedroom in a prime, prime area of Manhattan. But then maybe the person, being town high society, goes to a country club in Florida and sees people who drive Rollses and thinks "Damn, I'm not that wealthy," and the 30 year old gay man sees a few friends who have sex with a new person every week and thinks "Damn, I don't get any."
Everyone sees people above and below and tends to ignore those below. So one friend has kissed a few people and nothing more. He knows some people who are Shomer Negiya and won't touch the opposite sex for a handshake. They probably know people who don't even think about what it would be like to touch the opposite sex. The gradations get finer. But everyone knows those super wealthy/promiscuous people exist. And so few people can match them...you'll never meet those people. Don't bother.
I made my point two paragraphs ago. I'm just enjoying being in the city. Woot!
The random Durex sex facts site I find myself on says that the average man has 12.4 sex partners and the average woman 7.2. 27% have had sex exactly one person, while 21% have had sex with over 10 people. Quite the little distribution curve, there! And it must be because of that little distribution curve that lots of people feel inexperienced: The far hump is very visible. Someone like me can see the people with >10 sexual partners and say "wow, I'm really inexperienced," while someone like, um, a completely anonymous fairly experienced 30 year old gay man could have had, what, 70 sexual partners? And he could see the however many percent in front of him (5%? Maybe?) and see that there are a fair number of people who've had 500 sexual partners.
Ooh, it's totally wealth. Like how nobody feels rich. The curves are totally the same. Check out this thing:
Look at the wealth curve. You've got the lots of impoverished people (0-1 partners) and then a slowwwwly climbing middle class (2-10 partners) and then at the top, you start piling on these people with buttloads of partners. And you're always socially in a position where you can see how many people are wealthier than you/see how many people sleep with more people than you. Because class just works that way, as does, generally, sexual mores. Because of my location, politics, occupation, etc, I hang out with people who aren't all about the free love all the time but don't feel the need to wait until marriage before having sex. Hence my range. I see someone like the anonymous 30 year old gay man and think "Wow, that dude's had a LOT of sex," just like if you lived in a small town in the middle of nowhere, the person with the really big house would seem totally rich, even if they couldn't afford a one bedroom in a prime, prime area of Manhattan. But then maybe the person, being town high society, goes to a country club in Florida and sees people who drive Rollses and thinks "Damn, I'm not that wealthy," and the 30 year old gay man sees a few friends who have sex with a new person every week and thinks "Damn, I don't get any."Everyone sees people above and below and tends to ignore those below. So one friend has kissed a few people and nothing more. He knows some people who are Shomer Negiya and won't touch the opposite sex for a handshake. They probably know people who don't even think about what it would be like to touch the opposite sex. The gradations get finer. But everyone knows those super wealthy/promiscuous people exist. And so few people can match them...you'll never meet those people. Don't bother.
I made my point two paragraphs ago. I'm just enjoying being in the city. Woot!
Friday, February 17, 2006
In the Kitchen
It has been too long. Yes, I've been horrible about updating, but I never say die. So here I am with another post. First and most importantly, our lease has begun! And I have a picture for you folks, but with the old tennant's furniture. Isn't our living room sexy?
I have a bed, desk and computer in our new room but no internet, which, let's be honest, is the most important thing. We'll need to deal with Time Warner this weekend and get ourselves some comedy central and wireless road runner. Sweet.
We had a few issues moving in. It turns out the old tennants weren't moving out because they were taking on a third roommate and needed a three-bed; they moved out because one of them was a violent drunk who would come home at night, fight with his boyfriend and break things (including Amy's door). At least that's what the super and landlord tell us. To get revenge on the powers that be for kicking him out, the guy left the place a bit of a wreck, complete with december-expired milk in the fridge. The only problem is the powers-that-be didn't bother to clean the place before we got there, so Amy, my mom and I were stuck sweeping and swiffering and throwing shit out. My door doesn't really close. Amy has holes in her wall. We'll deal. We also didn't get keys for about 8 hours because the old dude had given them to his lawyer to hold. And the toilet overflowed...it's fixed now.
I'm still thrilled with the place. It's beautiful and generally functional and a good space to work with. The neighborhood's fun, and I'm looking forward to exploring. Ninth Avenue has some of the best food in town at a wide range of prices, and the population of Hell's Kitchen seems to be an interesting mix of gay men, latinos, and the many adorable children who go to school within a couple of blocks from our place. I'm just thrilled to be in Manhattan...it's where I've wanted to be for years. Plus, I'll be home with the parents a bunch. I won't be ditching the old folks entirely...they're great folks, and I'll probably want a little break from the constant noise of Tenth Avenue every so often. I've got plenty more to say, but work is officially starting right about now, and I've got to hit the RSS feeds and see what's going on in the "global science conversation" that's the colorful white noise of my days.
I have a bed, desk and computer in our new room but no internet, which, let's be honest, is the most important thing. We'll need to deal with Time Warner this weekend and get ourselves some comedy central and wireless road runner. Sweet.
We had a few issues moving in. It turns out the old tennants weren't moving out because they were taking on a third roommate and needed a three-bed; they moved out because one of them was a violent drunk who would come home at night, fight with his boyfriend and break things (including Amy's door). At least that's what the super and landlord tell us. To get revenge on the powers that be for kicking him out, the guy left the place a bit of a wreck, complete with december-expired milk in the fridge. The only problem is the powers-that-be didn't bother to clean the place before we got there, so Amy, my mom and I were stuck sweeping and swiffering and throwing shit out. My door doesn't really close. Amy has holes in her wall. We'll deal. We also didn't get keys for about 8 hours because the old dude had given them to his lawyer to hold. And the toilet overflowed...it's fixed now.
I'm still thrilled with the place. It's beautiful and generally functional and a good space to work with. The neighborhood's fun, and I'm looking forward to exploring. Ninth Avenue has some of the best food in town at a wide range of prices, and the population of Hell's Kitchen seems to be an interesting mix of gay men, latinos, and the many adorable children who go to school within a couple of blocks from our place. I'm just thrilled to be in Manhattan...it's where I've wanted to be for years. Plus, I'll be home with the parents a bunch. I won't be ditching the old folks entirely...they're great folks, and I'll probably want a little break from the constant noise of Tenth Avenue every so often. I've got plenty more to say, but work is officially starting right about now, and I've got to hit the RSS feeds and see what's going on in the "global science conversation" that's the colorful white noise of my days.
Friday, February 03, 2006
Free Lonnie Latham!
Continuing in their grand tradition as one of my favorite organizations in America, the ACLU has filed an amicus brief asking an Oklahoma court to dismiss charges against Southern Baptist minister Lonnie Latham.
It's important to note, as a preface, that Lonnie Latham is a total douche. He's known for being homophobic, and he supported the Southern Baptist church's adoption of a policy encouraging Baptists to befriend homosexuals and convert them to heterosexuality. Great.
So it will come as a surprise to no one that Latham actually likes sex with men. At the beginning of the year, Latham was arrested in Oklahoma for soliciting oral sex from an undercover cop, under charges of offering to engage in an act of lewdness. He could face up to one year in jail and a $2,500 fine if convicted of these charges. Of course the immediate reaction is a hearty "Should've known! Serves him right!" It's always fun to see fire-and-brimstone preachers get arrested for trying to pick up 13-year-old boys, or catching family-values-toting senators with prostitutes (preferably minorities).
But then there's the second reaction to Latham's predicament: "Wait, what did he actually do that's illegal?" He didn't offer to pay the undercover cop. The undercover cop was an adult. The undercover cop had shown some vague interest in hooking up with Latham. He didn't just whip it out in the middle of the street. Where's the crime in asking someone back to your place if they're looking you in the eye and smiling? Even if the other person doesn't seem interested, why the hell is that illegal?
The ACLU thinks it shouldn't be, and they are supporting Latham, hoping to get the charges against him dropped, and I am 100% with them. "Lewdness" is the most absurd, poorly-defined law ever. Part of the definition in Oklahoma is "the giving or receiving of the body for indiscriminate sexual intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus, masturbation, anal intercourse, or lascivious, lustful or licentious conduct with any person not his or her spouse." So...sex with anyone not your spouse is illegal in Oklahoma? That doesn't jive with Lawrence v. Texas at all. But wait, they say "indiscriminate." What does that mean? OK, being on one end of a public glory hole is indiscriminate. But choosing a one night stand...is that indiscriminate? I don't think so. I'm not a legal scholar, but this definition blows.
So, Oklahoma, please dismiss the charges, and don't arrest people for trying to get some. And to you, Mr. Latham, stop being a douche. If people aren't hurting anyone, just let them live their lives, as the state of Oklahoma will hopefully let you live yours.
It's important to note, as a preface, that Lonnie Latham is a total douche. He's known for being homophobic, and he supported the Southern Baptist church's adoption of a policy encouraging Baptists to befriend homosexuals and convert them to heterosexuality. Great.
So it will come as a surprise to no one that Latham actually likes sex with men. At the beginning of the year, Latham was arrested in Oklahoma for soliciting oral sex from an undercover cop, under charges of offering to engage in an act of lewdness. He could face up to one year in jail and a $2,500 fine if convicted of these charges. Of course the immediate reaction is a hearty "Should've known! Serves him right!" It's always fun to see fire-and-brimstone preachers get arrested for trying to pick up 13-year-old boys, or catching family-values-toting senators with prostitutes (preferably minorities).
But then there's the second reaction to Latham's predicament: "Wait, what did he actually do that's illegal?" He didn't offer to pay the undercover cop. The undercover cop was an adult. The undercover cop had shown some vague interest in hooking up with Latham. He didn't just whip it out in the middle of the street. Where's the crime in asking someone back to your place if they're looking you in the eye and smiling? Even if the other person doesn't seem interested, why the hell is that illegal?
The ACLU thinks it shouldn't be, and they are supporting Latham, hoping to get the charges against him dropped, and I am 100% with them. "Lewdness" is the most absurd, poorly-defined law ever. Part of the definition in Oklahoma is "the giving or receiving of the body for indiscriminate sexual intercourse, fellatio, cunnilingus, masturbation, anal intercourse, or lascivious, lustful or licentious conduct with any person not his or her spouse." So...sex with anyone not your spouse is illegal in Oklahoma? That doesn't jive with Lawrence v. Texas at all. But wait, they say "indiscriminate." What does that mean? OK, being on one end of a public glory hole is indiscriminate. But choosing a one night stand...is that indiscriminate? I don't think so. I'm not a legal scholar, but this definition blows.
So, Oklahoma, please dismiss the charges, and don't arrest people for trying to get some. And to you, Mr. Latham, stop being a douche. If people aren't hurting anyone, just let them live their lives, as the state of Oklahoma will hopefully let you live yours.
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