Extracurriculum Ridiculum

I have begun a new extracurricular activity. These are the things that get you into college. However, since I've already graduated from college, it won't do me any good in that regard. And it would take a very special institution of higher learning to admit me based on my new hobby.

I am photographing penises. Yup. Got that right.

A few months ago I discovered a website, where "Mrs. Candy," a "56 year old former head mistress on a mission to find the perfect phallus," reviews pictures that men send in of their penises. I like this site not just because of the pictures of penises (I'm super-female in that regard—visuals are never nearly as arousing as a good story), but because of the approach the site takes to erotic material. There's so much talk about exploitation and objectification in pornography, and this site defies both. Submissions are totally voluntary, and nobody gets paid for submitting. Submissions are pretty much anonymous, especially if the "phallic patron" has a fairly common name...although an 'Aloysius, 18, Katonah" might not fare especially well. It's just for people who want to show off their penises. As for objectification...well, I feel the real problem with that is objectifying the whole person, not the body. Pornographic films where women are just used as sex toys strikes me as much more objectifying than lots of pictures of boobs or, as the case may be, pictures of penises. It's not saying that the person is an object...it's saying that individual parts of the body can be beautiful and arousing. My favorite aspect of the site is that it's entirely positive. There are no bad reviews. If Mrs. Candy doesn't love your phallus, she doesn't review it. Also, I suspect she deletes all negative comments, because I've never seen one. While I'm generally not in favor of censorship, I feel that a private site where men put out their penises for criticism is a clear case of "Oh, come on, get over it." There's much benefit of a purely positive site, and it's not the government; it's just some lady.

So, anyway, a few weeks ago, I realized that there were probably men who wanted to submit to the site but didn't own digital cameras or know how to take a good phallic self-portrait. So I volunteered my services. Mrs. Candy kindly posted my contact information on her site, and within a few hours I had heard from two men! In total, I've had responses from four, but only one has thus far had the initiative to actually try to schedule a time. And he was the focus of yesterday early afternoon.

Scott is a 26-year-old starting his residency in dentistry. I may write a guest post for Mrs. Candy on my experience, so I won't go into too many details here, but in a nutshell, he's a friendly, normal (but not TOO normal), chill and gentlemanly fellow with a nice body and a very nice penis. We had a pretty easy time talking and an only slightly awkward time shooting. He brought an atrocious porno (NB: judgment based on occasional glances as I changed angle) in an Ella Fitzgerald case. Nice. He's also a good Jewish boy—and a doctor, if of teeth—so you could bring him home to mom...if these things matter to mom. The lighting was decent in my living room, so the shots came out pretty well. Overall, a very positive experience. Now to see if they make it onto the site. I hope they do. If so, I'll link to them...even though the vast majority of the people who read this blog like men (if not only men), you didn't come here to see penises, so I won't put them here. Right-o.