Learning to Love the Law

When we last left our intrepid hero (me), she was freaking-the-hell out about law school. Well, I'm happy to say the freakout was unnecessary. Law school has been great, really great, thus far. I have four awesome professors, whose awesomeness ranges from brilliant-and-engaging-but-oddly-intellectually-insecure to over-the-top-classy-and-lucid to direct-and-dorky-with-gruesome-and/or-sexual-stories-to-illustrate-the-material to a-truly-extraordinary-teacher-and-thinker-and-man-of-the-people-with-a-Bronx-brogue. They all rule in their own ways. And I'm legitimately engaged with the material, which is exciting.

My classmates are great, as well. I am not the least intelligent person in the room - I think I'm holding my own rather nicely - but they're all "doers" (good crossword word) in a way I'm not. I'm one of fairly few people who's taking this break to go home and chill with my family and friends. Other people are taking crazy vacations or Obambulating. I'm going to try to make up for my general laziness by a) taking a Birthright trip in December, and b) going abroad this summer. I really should do that...become a citizen of the world, and all. In any case, I wouldn't say I have any real friends yet, in the way my friends are my friends, but I do have people I like and sometimes hang out with and want to become closer with. The small group thing has been good for letting me feel comfortable around a group of people. I have a really nice small group, and I hope to become better friends with the people in it. There are also some people in my procedure class (I sort of think of that class as a home base) who are awesome and I hope to become closer with. They include a fellow crossword dork (woot!), a nice and handsome Christian conservative (we have good discussions), and a physics major/former choreographer, among others. Good folks, them all. And it's been really nice having Brad and Alexandria around...they're great.

I've been a little overwhelmed with work, at points, but that's OK...I figure I'm supposed to be overwhelmed occasionally. I've been blessed with good small group TAs, so I think I'm getting as solid a writing experience as my school can give. All of those 400 word news stories have also given me a knack for tight, boring writing, which has come in handy. I think I now have to work on making it just as tight but a little less boring.

And now I'm on vacation for a week, reading my contracts professor's novel at Slave and hanging out with friends in the city. And thinking about the election...oh, the election! At this point I feel pretty good about Obama, and I have turned my worries to California's proposition 8, which looks likely to pass. If California, one of the biggest and bluest states around, amends their constitution to ban gay marriage, I think I will cry. It will cut off an opportunity for happiness for so many people, and it will say such bad things about our citizens. Bah. All right, I'm off to have lunch with mom. More updates later, perhaps.

Just Jump

Orientation starts tomorrow, and I am completely terrified. I'm not entirely sure what I'm terrified of, but here are a few possibilities:

Maybe I'll hate it. Maybe I'll realize that I had no good reason to apply to law school and I really am here on a two-year whim and I should have put more effort into this decision.

Maybe I'll say something horrible. I wouldn't put it past me. When I get nervous, sometimes my tact-dar, not great to begin with, goes completely haywire. Heaven help me.

Maybe I'll say something stupid (not horrible, just unintelligent) to or in front of someone important. Like a professor. Or the dean. Or a cute boy.

Maybe I just won't make friends. And my old friends will ditch me, and I'll be living in this beautiful apartment (it's really phenomenal) all alone, like Roderick Usher...or something.

Maybe I just won't do the work. I could become paralyzed at any moment. I could not show up to orientation and just stay in my bed trembling for the next month. I probably won't, but it doesn't seem as out-of-the-question as it once did.

But more likely, it will be good. Orientation won't be great; I can't imagine how it could be. But it will be fine, and then class will start, and I'll be stressed out. And then hopefully in a month or so, I'll look at my life and realize it's pretty good...that I'm spending a lot of my time and mental power on interesting and important philosophical and cultural issues. That's kind of what I'm hoping for. Wish me luck.